(Continued from last week)
Richard and I go to see a movie where two double agent under-cover cops (Whoopi Goldberg and Joe Pesci) risk getting arrested to find information about a heroine dealer nearby. Another scene appears where a young woman on a residential street buys a heroine-filled syringe from another young woman, a drug dealer, and injects it into her neck. At this point, the movie becomes real and I am a fly on the wall watching all the happenings unfold. Later, the drug dealer woman and two other criminal guys are in the woods on back trails trying to find traveling routes to evade the cops. They are suddenly surprised by three cops. I hope they will escape even though they are the bad guys. I am on their side.
Symbols: under-cover cops, heroine syringe, neck, third person persective, criminals, back woods, running away, surprised by cops, rooting for bad guys
Under-cover cops- hiding my true identity
Heroine syringe- drugs= escaping from reality and not confronting issues
Injection into Neck- Neck= connection between the mind and body. Drug injection into the neck symbolizes a disconnect between mind and body.
Third person perspective- Disconnecting myself from the situation
Criminals- My shadow and rejected traits
Surprised by cops- My inner resistance to my shadow popping up in unexpected places
Rooting for bad guys- Desire to reintegrate with my shadow
After the cops apprehend them, the officers huddle together and speak of a notorious dangerous woman who is on the lam. They look at a year-book style photograph of the woman. She is a beautiful woman in her early thirties. She has dark hair, pale skin, and professional make-up. She looks like the epitome of a very proper lady with her pageant smile and not someone you would suspect to be a wanted criminal. But she is and apparently she is dangerous too, although it is never disclosed what crimes she has committed.
Symbols: criminals apprehended, dangerous woman on the loose, photograph, proper lady, unknown crimes
Criminals apprehended- shadows suppressed
Dangerous woman- My primary shadow figure. The feminine shadow. The shadows that can’t be hidden
Proper-Lady appearance- Shadows hiding under the façade of social acceptability and feminine appearance.
Unknown crimes- Repressed traits and memories
Now, I come into the story. I am on a cruise ship where an employee party is being held with all my coworkers from the high school that I worked at. My boss interrupts the festivities to make an announcement. She tells us that she values honesty in her employees and that anyone with information about the dangerous woman should come forward. I squirm in my chair. I don’t know how, but I know that I’m in cahoots with the dangerous woman. I know that I’m meant to protect her. If I turn her in I will be killed by criminals. If I don’t turn her in and my boss finds out I will lose my job and be arrested. I keep my mouth shut but I am terrified.
Symbols: Cruise ship, employee party, my boss, speech about honesty, I must protect the dangerous woman, stuck between two alternatives
Cruise Ship- Since water represents emotions. Being on a cruise represents emotional journey and exploring aspects of the unconscious
Employee party- Trying to keep a certain level of social grace. Social anxiety
My boss- Fear of authority
Honesty Speech- Calling my integrity into question
Protecting the dangerous woman- Hiding my shadow from my boss
Stuck between two alternative- being torn
Suddenly everyone is evacuated from the ship. There is a small doorway that leads to a stairwell and everyone is running up the stairs. There are hundreds of people in the stairwell trying to go up to the deck where they can get off the ship. But I know that I have to stay and that I need to go down the stairs. But I don’t want anyone to see me. So, I choose the door adjacent to the stairwell door where the ‘down’ stairwell was located. These are stairs that I can only go down but not up. I was relieved to find that the stairwell was abandoned. I frantically run down the stairs. Spiraling downward on the square staircase toward the very bottom floor of the ship where I know there is a bathroom that I can hide in. I round the last corner thinking that I’m home free and that no one has seen my escape. Suddenly, from the direction of the bathroom comes a familiar looking woman with pale skin and short dark hair. Was she the dangerous woman?
Symbols: Evacuation, running up the stairs, alternative down stairwell, abandoned stairs, spiraling downward, bottom floor, bathroom, hiding, dark haired woman
Evacuation: Getting rid of certain traits
Running up the stairs: Up is out. Being conscious.
Down Stairwell: descending into the unconscious/subconscious
Abandoned Stairs: My shadow. The hidden parts of me
Bathroom: Place of evacuation. Where the nastiest things are expelled from the body.
Hiding: The shadow
Dark haired woman- The shadow
I look at her and she looks at me with a dead stare. I’m worried. Will she tell anyone that I’m down here? Is she the dangerous woman? Will the criminals find me? Will the cops find me? I lock myself in the lowest bathroom on the lowest floor of the ship. I take down my pants and sit on the toilet and pretend to use the bathroom in case any of my coworkers come to check on me. A lady from the guidance department comes to check on me. I guess the dark haired lady told her I was down here. I tell her that I have a stomach ache and that I’ll leave the ship when I’m done. She goes back up the stairs.
Symbols: We see eachother, sitting on the toilet, pretending, lady from guidance, stomache ach
We see eachother- We know that eachother exist
Sitting on the toilet- expelling the body of nasty things. The dark night of the soul.
Pretending- Giving the impression of authenticity but only the appearance.
Lady from guidance- My co-workers that I am hiding from.
Stomach ache- Fear and lack of bravery. Yellow-bellied
I sit in the bathroom wondering what I’ll do next. Suddenly the set-up of the ship changes. Instead of being on the bottom floor of the ship. I realize that I’m actually on the very top floor of the ship and that everyone who evacuated the ship is actually stuck on the bottom floor of the ship. In the floor below me, I hear machine gun fire and screams from below. My coworkers are being massacred. I stand on top of the toilet to avoid bullets in case any come up from the floor. Questions race through my mind. Did the dangerous woman do this? Did my protection of her contribute to the deaths of my coworkers? Will she come for me?
Symbols: Wondering what to do next, hiding, change from bottom to top, all coworkers now on bottom of ship, mass murder by machine gun fire, standing on top of the toilet, wondering about my contributions to massacre
Wondering what to do next- Being torn between two alternatives
Hiding- Shadow and inauthenticity
The bottom becomes the top- Sometimes when we descend into the shadows we ascend to higher levels of consciousness.
Co-Workers on Bottom- Repression of my social/relationship nature for the sake of relationships.
Mass Murder by machine gun: Repression kills my best traits.
Standing on top of the toilet- Hiding behind even my darkness
Wondering about my contributions to the massacre: I know that Im responsible.
So, ultimately this dream is all about allowing myself to be authentic and express my own individuality without getting swayed by public opinion of me. The dangerous woman becomes a symbol for my desire to cover up my natural traits to achieve some state of social perfection and propriety. It is my fear of seeming bad or crazy. Thus, she looks to the outside like she is a proper lady. The massacre on my employee shows how my need to be perfect and normal in society’s eyes is keeping me from making real authentic friendships, with others including my co-workers. I root for the bad guys because I must become aware of my shadow and break my allegiance to The Dangerous Woman.